Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
