I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize
