I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
How does it feel to date your dad?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I love you.
Bad choice
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
