Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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