Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
