After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
