When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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