the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
