thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Randomize
