just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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