I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
