Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
