omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
