btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
