you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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