i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
