I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.