perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says