May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.