Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
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Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
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Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs