so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay