We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life