since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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