my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
