i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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