She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
