I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
