That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
