make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
