I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My penis needs a shock collar
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
