Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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