guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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