At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
