Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
