The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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