i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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