I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
