apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
