dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just threw up on my dentist
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
be right there i have to get my cape
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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