I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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