Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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