your room smells of hookers.
And success
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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