and next time when you feel me up, do it right
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
