I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Life is so much better after having sex.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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