Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
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Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
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I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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