doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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