I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
