There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
