do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
