You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
operation harelip BJ is a go
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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