if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
