Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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