so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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