I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
