one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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