i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
