Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
