I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
