just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
