I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
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And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Found your dick twin last night
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Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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