ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize