He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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