we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
