I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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