ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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