Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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