no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
