walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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