Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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