just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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