Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
