Jerry, you need to find god
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
