theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Let's get the cat blown out
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
