Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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