FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
