idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
